Free to Write

Do I need to think
What will I do if it happens?
What if like this?
And what if like that?
Or maybe what I have to say is
Let's see what I do when it happens.

Should I care about something
that I don't even sure will happen.
Or should I think first about
what will I do if it happens.

What do I do then?
Try to make it right 'til the right time.
Do everything to make it right.
Beg to someone who can finish it.
Or maybe....
Just wait and see what's going to happen.

What will you choose?

Apa yang terjadi kalau aku beneran gak bisa ikut SIDI? Nangis? Ngurung diri? Depresi?
Atau ngulang lagi satu tahun? dan dibaptis sekarang?
I just thought let's see what will I do when I need to face it.

When you do something you'll feel that you want to finish it quickly
But when it finish, you want to do it again, do you ever feel it?

Yeah I feel it.
And I'm kind of miss that time.
Want to go back, but I don't have any time machine.
And the last thing I do.
Sit in front of my notebook.
Write something unnecessary.

Practice. Sweat. Tired. Studio. Mirror. Coach. Scold. Tears. Goose-bumps. Mistake. Make-up. Basketball. ID. Costume. Smile. Newspaper. SRI. Choreography. Award. Camera. Judges.
Twenty-one things I remembered about that day.
When time is getting short.
Comes a big wave strikes us into tear.
But we're never alone.
We have the kindest girl in the world.
Build the pin to its place again.
And once again life in our side.

Ocean will never beautiful when it lose its wave.
But when the wave comes.
It makes us scream, cry or excited.
Life could be refer with Ocean.
It won't have a story when the wave just pass.
It won't make you stronger.
There's nothing much to learn.

When second wave comes.
We try to handle it.
We give our best to minimize the effect.

From those waves we learn many things.
That this life need to be handle.
It depends on you.
And God will always be with you even you deny it.
God hear you although you just speak in your heart.
What am I doing?
Just leave your worry to God. And everything you do will be back to you.

I must do it, I'm sure do it, and I can do it.

geezzzzz time keeps running, it's almost at the expired time. I try to fulfill all the conditions, but in every step there's a wall block it. Second turn to minute, minute turn into hour, hour turn into day, day by day pass by, and week right behind me. I have to think as fast as I can to break all the wall in front of me. There are also times when I think to stop, well I try not to forget what I have done until this time. Now H- is my closest friend. It keeps moving. It keeps counting. And I can't stop right now. 'cause when I stop I'm sure there'll be a big regret in my life.